It is what it is

August 2013

so this has been a really, really crap few weeks. My ex-boyfriend died, yeah I wouldn't really care if it was my ex-husband but w.e. it is what it is. We had a serious history, we were together for two years, lived together, got puppies together. He was my first serious boyfriend and yes he had a rough side but I think everyone does. We had a lot of communication after the relationship for years. yes the past couple of years we haven't really kept in touch but it just hit me really hard. hell it still is, I cant say it out loud that he is gone with out me thinking he is going to walk in the door and say "oop my bad just wanted to see if you still care!!" I'm still angry though I have so many words running around in my head and not sure how to get them out of my head. His family, ok his sister is pissing me off too. She just is blocking me out like since I was his first serious girlfriend (from 10 years ago) like I don't count since I wasn't the most recent like I never mattered.

life

things are better for me. My husband isn't such a jerkoff anymore, which is nice considering there are so many other things we have going on that fighting will not help. In all honesty things are great, yes I wish he would get out of fantasy land where he thinks we are millionaires and can afford any and everything but other than that life is good. Just hope that the holidays are a bit better this year and not so crazy. heck maybe I will get a new car since the one I have is a huge hunk of junk, I will never own another Ford for the rest of my days!!

Saturday

here it is the weekend again, (my husband is an out of town truck driver all week), you would think that he would be home with his wife and 3 kids. nope he went off fishing this morning, which means before the sun came up and gone till after 1pm. now don't get me wrong he needs his own time but guess what, so do I. I'm home all week alone with 3 kids. yes I love them but I need time too not just bed time alone time. just uugghhh

In search of a real man

yes I know the title is just a fairy tale but that doesn't mean a woman cant dream right? Yes I love my husband but he no longer wants to be my husband, now what? I have three kids, no job because im a stay at home mom, and I have no time for school or a paying job (trust me I have tried). I want the man I married back, I wish he would get his head out of his ass and realize that its not a hat.

First Blog

I think my marriage is over. I don't want it to be don't get me wrong I do love my husband he is my best friend. well he was, not so much anymore and I don't know how to fix it. Part of me isn't sure I want to fix it. That is only because he doesn't seem like he really wants to change us for the better whatsoever. look at our twins and all can think is "why wouldn't you want to change, I do". He was the best thing that ever happened to me, a great friend, someone that was always there, made me laugh, listened to me cry. He was always the one that would be there that I could count on. and now, now is just another jerkoff it seems like and I know he is better than that. Then again I could just be putting him on a pedestal and be all wrong about it all. I'm just really upset and sick of being walked all over by everyone and he was the last person that I ever expected it from.